How many times have we just ignored the red flags that are right in front of us?  Better yet, how many times has someone told you EXACTLY who they are and you thought “I’m magical, I can clearly change them” or better yet, “I can deal with that” (but when you know can’t).

Why is so incredibly difficult to believe someone when they show you their cards?  The guy who says he is a workaholic, is just that, a workaholic.  You aren’t going to be a priority…ever.  The guy who says he doesn’t have time for a relationship doesn’t have time for you.   Remember that 6 months you spent with the guy who never texted you first?  He was showing you clearly that you were there when he wanted you to be; he simply didn’t care enough to make an effort.

Why do we let people fuck with our value? Do we ignore what they are telling us and showing us in their actions because of our own egos?  Or are we trying to prove that we can meld or fix another human?  Who are we proving this to?  Ourselves?  Them? Our mothers?  That dick from high school?

Look, I’m not perfect.  I am a big fan of wasting time but in the process ripping myself open emotionally.  Like maybe if I explain my feelings and where I am coming from, they will magically become the self-aware man that I am looking for.  Work will become second, I’ll become first.  Better yet, my emotions will become front and center and their only goal will be to make me happy.  Spoiler: that’s never what happens.  

I think we could all save so much time and hurt and feelings and just pure exhaustion if we would listen when people tell us who they are.  If we accept that fact that not everything is meant to be and our pure infatuation and delusions of grandeur won’t solve everything, maybe we can make some progress on what matters.  Life isn’t a Hallmark movie (no matter how much I wish it was).

That big-time executive who works 20 hours a day, 7 days a week, is not looking for the right girl to change him.  He is looking for the next big job.  And that’s ok.  There is nothing wrong with knowing who you are and if love or a relationship isn’t a part of that, that’s ok; but be honest with those around you and with yourself. What isn’t ok is for us to waste our emotions and our precious time on earth trying to solve a problem that simply isn’t there.  People aren’t puzzles, people are puzzle pieces and we need to find the one that fits us.

So, what do we do?  How do we save ourselves some anger and heartbreak?

Next time someone tells you or shows you who they are, believe them!  When you fill your time and space with people who don’t deserve you or spend your energy trying to change a person into what you want, you are missing out on the opportunities to find those who fit you.   By misplacing efforts, you’re missing the chance to really meet that person who is meant for you and fits your life and your soul.  

Look for your fitting puzzle piece, don’t look for a puzzle of a person and try to solve them.  It won’t work.  You deserve better; so go get what you deserve.

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