One thing that drives me absolutely insane is hearing, “you seem mad, calm down.” In this history of history, has telling a woman to calm down actually led to said woman calming down? I would love one example! Just one.
I am exhausted with this idea that if a woman is mad, then they are not able to then control their emotions and get it done. A man has an outburst and he is just having a bad day, or something must be really wrong to get him to that point. Woman, we are just emotional beings led by our ovaries. Both men and woman are told that anger is bad. If you get to that point, there is something wrong.
Why do we look at anger as a negative? Anger can be inspiring! Anger can push change; anger can beg a catalyst for change. How you deal with that anger is important.
One particular way people deal is by venting. Yet, there is a stigma towards venting; like we should bottle it in until it becomes toxic. Why is venting wrong? Is it because then the other person feels they are taking on your feelings? Is it because men want to fix problems and the idea that if someone is emotionally charged then the issue is not ‘real’ but rather just an emotion? Or do women not like another woman venting because it shows weakness and there is this idea that woman get bogged down by feelings and thus will wallow and who has time to take on a wallower? Regardless of the gender, I think we get stuck with these ideas of Negative Nancies, Debbie Downer or Pessimistic Patty (anyone notice how these are ALL female names, but that’s for another time).
I wish we would embrace healthy outlets for anger. Sometimes venting to a friend is the way to go, but sometimes there also needs be an understanding that the venting won’t be constant. Maybe it is writing in a journal, or starting a blog that no one reads. Exercise I hear is good as well; while eating a cake is less positive. Instead of embracing an outlet, as a society, we have a tendency to make the whole emotion of anger negative and some dismal aftermath is generally left in it’s wake.
However you deal with your anger/frustration, I think as long as you follow up the frustration and venting with “ok, what am I going to do about it?” then you are on the right track. Sometimes, I have to let it out. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I turn off my phone and watch Hallmark movies and cry…crying is a theme here. I think anger is just as good as any other emotion; as long as you deal with it in a positive way!
Don’t feel bad for your feelings. Don’t feel less than. Just use everything as a growing experience; that’s all you can do. Make the world better the best way you can. Live and feel your feelings. Cry when you have to cry and have a good friend to vent to, write in a diary, go for a run, do whatever you need to do to let the anger and frustration push you.
Use anger as fuel. Change your life and change the world.